im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
