i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
