My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
