they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
