What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
