I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
