i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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