C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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