Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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