for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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