Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
