I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
