also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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