butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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