Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize