but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
