I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
not ubering you a puppy
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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