FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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