Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
