im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize