did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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