she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
