i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
