you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
