I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Every concussion has its silver lining
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
