think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
