It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
