He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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