Pappa wants mamma naked
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
