how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
