She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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