i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
