I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
