This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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