Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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