he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
