Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
