MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
