dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
