so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize