i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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