My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
