No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Farmville is her only friend.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
