I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
