I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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