this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
