I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize