Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is it because I queefed?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
