Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
