everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
