The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
