By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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