you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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