i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
