we made out on top of his cat.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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