im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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