I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
