I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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