Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
