the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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