I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
