addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
