JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
