Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
