I just threw up on my dentist
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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