I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
