Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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