i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
