you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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