dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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