I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
