Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
