Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All the doctor said was why
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
