Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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