Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Pants are for mortals
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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