Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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