just tell him i said nine months
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
