I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
