I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize