I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
