Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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