my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
