He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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