Porn is love you can see.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
