so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
