dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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