Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
