Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
